twin mom truth and struggles

The truth is real and raw.
The truth the way more than you could ever prepare yourself for.
The truth isn’t found on google, or in books.
Everyone’s truth is different, but this is mine.

Before I share my struggles thus far as a twin mom, let me say that no new mom or mom-to-be wants to – or deserves to hear the negatives. I’m writing this not to worry you, stress you out or feed you negatives. I am writing this to share my experience, the struggles I face and the reality of it all.
Everyone’s babies and experiences are different – that’s what makes them our own.
We all find a way to figure it out.

Finding out we were expecting twins was one of the most terrifying things I have been told. I already knew nothing about becoming a mom and now I was about to be a mom to two babies.
How was it going to be humanly possible to do the exact same thing for two separate babies at the exact same time? – truth is, it isn’t humanly possible.
I love hearing stories from moms that have or had babies – whether it be singletons or multiples-  but I truly believe there is a right way, and a wrong way to go about it.
I became so overwhelmed throughout  my pregnancy with all the negatives I was bombarded with. Rarely did I have someone sit there and share their happy and memorable moments. I understand that with the blessing of bringing little humans into the world there is going to be a handful of negatives, but in one of the scariest yet most exciting moments of your life – hearing a couple positives goes along way.

I wouldn’t say that I went into this pregnancy with a negative mindset, even with all the negative information I was given. After I was able to digest my reality of bringing twins into the world, I became overjoyed and privileged to be given this opportunity and experience.
I was positive, almost think I was too positive.
Regardless of how much negativity I received or how much positive I felt, I want to share my experience, struggles and happiness in becoming a twin mom with other moms and other twin moms to be. Not to prepare them but just to open their eyes and comfort them in the reality of it all. You are not alone.

The truth is, no one said it would be easy – but no one said it would be this hard.
There is no manual. There is hundreds of books, but there is no real “how to”.
There never will be, everyone’s experiences are so different it would be impossible to write. Some will face more than others and some will never know half of it – and that’s okay.
This is my story so far, and I hope it touches someone, somewhere to know you’re not alone in this journey of twin mom life.

Lets talk about how taking care of ONE baby works.
Generally the first week or two are great. They tend to sleep quite a bit. They fuss when hungry or in need of a diaper change and sleep the majority of the time. After the initial “excitement” from everyone around you starts to decrease your reality starts to kick in. There schedule generally goes something like this:

They sleep
They wake
They cry
They eat
They cry
They pee
They cry
They Poop
They cry
They want to be held
They cry
They sleep
Repeat every 1-4hrs for 24 hours.

Now lets multiply that by TWO.
Dad works full-time because he is the sole provider for the family (Bless your souls).
Mom is not actually super human – even though we pretty much have to pretend to be – and she only has two hands. A feeding session with twins can tend to go a little something like this:

They wake up, you change “A”.
Set him/her up to be fed.
“A” cries because you left to change “B”.
You change “B”.
Set “B” up to be fed.
Get the bottles(in my case).
They both cry as you get bottles.
Fed both. We call it tandem feeding.
“A” finishes eating. You find a way to prop up the bottle for “B” so that you can burp “A” because they’re uncomfortable and crying.
“B” finishes eating.
You put “A” down, or in a swing.
Burp “B” while “A” is crying because he also wants to continue to be held.
Put “B” down or in a swing, and try to calm both babies.
Play with or do activities with both babies, trying to give both the same amount of attention and trying to tire them out.
One cries or they both cry.
Change “A” if needed, swaddle him, rock him briefly and put him down to nap. (Uusally “B” is crying while you’re doing this.
Change “B if needed, swaddle him, rock him briefly and put him down to nap.
Hope they both are tired and want to sleep. If not you spend time trying to calm them enough to want to sleep.
By the time one calms down, the other starts to get fussy.
They finally fall asleep and you do what you need to, to relax and prepare yourself to do it all over again in a couple hours.
Repeat every 1-4 hours every 24 hours.

Phew!
Now don’t get me wrong. Not every single fed is as hectic as that and some mamas have quicker more effective ways of feeding or getting them down to nap. This is just some of the struggles I face on my journey.
It rough. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done.
Some days I question how I am going to make it to the next, but you just do.
You get through it no matter how tough the days can get. You become super mama even when you feel like you’re actually failing. One, two, three or however many babies it may be – it’s far from easy.

Lately most days are truly more overwhelming than I could have ever prepared myself for. Some moments are so defeating you’ll wonder what you got yourself into, but when you take a step back and observe what’s in front of you, what you’ve created you need to remember these tough times are all worth it.
Everyday I am still trying to figure it out. I’ve learnt to let go of my expectations, but still set small goals for the day.
Right now we are trying to work on creating a routine for babies and mama. One that will make us ALL happy, but that takes time and that takes trial and error – and with that there are going to come a lot of stressful days and not always happy babies or a happy mama. The most important thing is to remember, that is all okay.
I’ll set a goal before every feeding, take a deep breath and hope for the best. It doesn’t always go as planned, in fact it rarely does but that’s called process.
You have to fail before you can succeed.

You are ONE person, ONE mama with a heart that just wants to love and care for these TWO babies in all ways they need it – at the exact same time.
Alone, it’s not humanly possible and I think accepting that is the hardest part.
You want to spend all the time you can holding your new baby, but finding the time to do that becomes a lot harder when caring for two.
I am still learning to accept all the small things that make everyday rough, I’m trying to let go of the heartbreak I feel when I can’t hold both babies at once. I have to constantly remind myself that some days there is going to be one baby crying while you’re caring for the other. I am trying to step back and remind myself that I am doing the very best I can, that my heart couldn’t possibly love these boys anymore, that they know I love them, that today might be rough but every tomorrow that comes is one step closer to better days.
The sun doesn’t shine everyday, but you can always find a rainbow at the end of a storm.
These boys are my world. The simplest simple from them can turn a bad day into a good day. I struggle, but I get by and I will always make sure the boys know just how much they are loved. On my absolute worst day, I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. If i didn’t face struggles, if I didn’t fail a time or two, if everything was just simple and easy it wouldn’t make our adventures as special as they are.
This is your chapter to write in your life, it’ll all be left unknown until you do. No one can give you the answers you need, just the support.

So let me leave you with this,

It’s gonna be hard as hell, but you got this.
You’re probably going to encounter countless struggles, but with that your babies will bring endless happiness into your life.
Your journey won’t be comparable to anyone else’s and as bad as it gets, embrace it all along the way.
On your worst days, take a deep breath and remind yourself – it get’s better.
Tell yourself you got this, even when your certain you don’t.
There may not be such thing as “super mama”, but my dear you are super mama.
You are doing the very best you can and that is all you can do.
Love those babies until you can’t anymore, and than love them some more.
Be there for them and remind them that you will always there.
Step back when you need to and take a moment for yourself. Be aware that it’s going to be a tough process, but don’t think that you’re failing because of that.
Remember everything takes time and it isn’t going to fall into place over night (If it does, send me your tricks)
Routine is important, so find a one that works best for mama and babies, but be patient and prepare for trial and error.
There are going to be days you have no idea what you’re doing, remember you’re still learning.
There will be ups and there will be downs, but don’t forget to enjoy the journey.
If you have help offered and are okay with accepting it, don’t think you’re failing if you do. One day you’ll look back and the struggles will all be irrelevant.
Don’t wish time away, it already goes way to fast.
Never give up even when you want to. Those babies need you more than you could imagine and they’re okay if you don’t get it the first time.
Find happiness in every moment and keep going everyday.
Even though I am still searching for my rainbow, I want to help you find yours.

Remember truly just how blessed you are to be the mama to two amazing humans.
There is a reason you were chosen to be a twin mom, that’s simply because you CAN handle all the comes with it and you deserve it.

It’s not going to be easy, but always remember it’s going to be worth it.